We all get them: stupid email forwards. Misguided (or just plain idiotic) friends, relatives and coworkers forward us stuff that promises to be “hilarious” or “amazing,” when it’s actually so damn stupid, you want to reach through the computer and strangle them for sending it to you. These emails belong in the Stupid Email Hall of Fame. This week’s email is a doozy, courtesy of my boyfriend’s right-winger friend:
AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA
Dear President Obama:
You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.
You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.
You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education, your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.
You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.
You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.
You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don’t understand it at its core.
You scare me because you lack humility and ‘class’, always blaming others.
You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.
You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the ‘blame America’ crowd and deliver this message abroad.
You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.
You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.
You scare me because you prefer ‘wind mills’ to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.
You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.
You scare me because you have begun to use ‘extortion’ tactics against certain banks and corporations.
You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.
You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.
You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.
You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.
You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O’Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.
You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.
Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.
Hoo-boy, there’s so much here, I don’t even know where to begin. This was written by Lou Pritchett, a former vice president at Proctor & Gamble. Guess that explains why he thinks all our presidents should run companies first (I wonder what he thinks about conservative messiah, Ronald Reagan? You know, the guy who worked as an actor before getting into politics?)
Since there’s so much here, I’ll just focus on a few points:
- “You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education, your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.” Um, Lou, maybe your rich ass knows nothing about this kind of stuff, but there are these things called student loans, grants and scholarships that those of us with “no visible signs of support” use to go to college. And then when we graduate, we have a bunch of debt to pay back, just like President Obama (and his wife, Michelle) did.
- “You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.” I guess Kansas, where his grandparents who raised him lived, doesn’t count as America. Watch out, Lou, Bob Dole’s coming after you, and he’s got a fist full of pen for your face! Also, this calls into question the status of thousands of military brats as “culturally American.” I guess even if your parents are serving America in a foreign land, as long as you grow up in that foreign land, you don’t count. Good to know.
- “You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.” Seriously, are we still harping on this? Even after it’s been proven incorrect repeatedly? Even after Obama denounced Rev. Wright, Bill Ayers and anyone else these nitwits tried to attach him to? And if you want to talk about radicals who wish to see America fail, maybe you should turn on Fox News or conservative radio. I hear there are a few folks on those stations who’d like to see the President, and thus, America, fail.
- “You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.” LOL! This one might be my favorite. That capitalist goose has laid something, alright, but it sure as fuck ain’t a golden egg!
For emails like this, it’s helpful to consult the Barack Obama section on Snopes, as it debunks the majority of this tripe.
Here’s a great rebuttal to Lou Pritchett’s letter.
Have you received something like this? Or does this email pale in comparison to some of the stupid crap you’ve received? If so, forward those dumb emails to firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll mock and debunk (if necessary) these stupid emails every Wednesday.