Stupid Email Hall of Fame

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We all get them: stupid email forwards. Misguided (or just plain idiotic) friends, relatives and coworkers forward us stuff that promises to be “hilarious” or “amazing,” when it’s actually so damn stupid, you want to reach through the computer and strangle them for sending it to you. These emails belong in the Stupid Email Hall of Fame. This week’s email comes from my pal Lizzie. She writes:

“I don’t know if this was actually an article from the St. Pete Times….but still pretty funny. I’m not sure they’re figuring the math properly on this, cause if we gave 40 million people a million dollars, I think that adds up to like 40 trillion, which is just insane.”

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on “How Would You Fix the Economy?” …This guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,


There’s about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.

Lizzie’s right here, the math is just all kinds of wrong. If we handed out this kind of money to that many people, it would indeed amount to $40 trillion dollars, nearly four times the amount of the current national debt. After all the hand wringing and shit talking over this latest stimulus package, can you imagine the fallout of giving away $40 trillion? Yeah.

This plan also doesn’t take into account a number of important questions. What about the millionaires over 50 in the work force? Taking a million dollar severance, buying a house and a car might not sound so good to them. And what if you don’t use the money for a house or an American car? What happens then? Are you jailed for reneging on the stipulations? Do they take your money away and leave you jobless and on your ass? And how is a person supposed to pay property and auto taxes, not to mention insurance costs, while living the rest  of their lives off a $1 million dollar payment? Do they get health insurance with that too? This is another one of those general ideas that people come up with without any reason or thought, you know, kind of like the solution to our terrorism problems is just bombing the Middle East into oblivion. Not smart.

Also, this never appeared in the St. Petersburg Times. If you want to read more about it, check out the Snopes article.

Have you received something like this? Or does this email pale in comparison to some of the stupid crap you’ve received? If so, forward those dumb emails to bubblegumculture@gmail.com. We’ll mock and debunk (if necessary) these stupid emails every Wednesday.

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7 responses to “Stupid Email Hall of Fame

  1. $1 million is not enough to get me to quit my job.

    It is, however, enough for me to stop contributing to my 401(k) for a little while.

  2. notscarednews

    I have to make it public. It’s suppose to be secret, however most people in Austin, Tx knows about it. The police department has machine that can read your mind. A machine that can read someone’s mind will be used to violate EVERYONE’S CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!!! It can also change the way you feel. Sexual impulses, anger, and paranoia are all feelings they can induce to you at their fingertips. This means it can cause a girl or boy to feel sexual, and get raped thinking they wanted to. Its like a drug. This is just one of the many crimes they commit with this machine RIGHT NOW!!!! They are using it right now to spy on their citizens RIGHT NOW!!! People will be spied on in there homes, without a warrant. (this means someone will be able to watch you during sex without your knowledge.) There are a lot of people all over the United States knowing about this machine. The police department is able to use it to spy on people in their own home. During interrogation they keep a person dazed, confused and not sound of mind to cohersed them into making certain statements. This is a violation of these people’s constitutional rights. Start thinking about how the government has given the police department a weapon to commit not only one of the biggest civil and constitutional rights violations of all time, but to commit war crimes such as rape, brainwashing, and toturing people without the victim’s knowledge. I know it is hard to believe, however if you happen to know someone in the police department who cares for you enough, just ask if they have a machine that can read and control people’s mind. After that, I would also like people to think about how we are able to get the government to stop letting the police department violate the people’s civil and constitutional rights, and committing war crimes against there own citizens. Major media companies have knowledge of this, but are not willing to broadcast it. People need to find out and talk about this issue.

  3. AGreenEyeDevil

    This is so many kinds of F%^&$-up! I’ve seen elementary school children w/better math skills than this guy demonstrated. And I won’t even get started on the vein of consumerism this seeks to perpetuate.

    I think it’s time to move my meemaw bench to the hermit’s corner! GAH.

  4. notscared…Please tell that machine to ramp up my sex drive. It’s been a little low lately. Then, brainwash either Wayne Ellington or Henry Cavill into falling in love with me. Thanks!

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