We all get them: stupid email forwards. Misguided (or just plain idiotic) friends, relatives and coworkers forward us stuff that promises to be “hilarious” or “amazing,” when it’s actually so damn stupid, you want to reach through the computer and strangle them for sending it to you. These emails belong in the Stupid Email Hall of Fame. This week’s email comes from my pal Lizzie. She writes:
“I don’t know if this was actually an article from the St. Pete Times….but still pretty funny. I’m not sure they’re figuring the math properly on this, cause if we gave 40 million people a million dollars, I think that adds up to like 40 trillion, which is just insane.”
This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on “How Would You Fix the Economy?” …This guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
There’s about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.
Lizzie’s right here, the math is just all kinds of wrong. If we handed out this kind of money to that many people, it would indeed amount to $40 trillion dollars, nearly four times the amount of the current national debt. After all the hand wringing and shit talking over this latest stimulus package, can you imagine the fallout of giving away $40 trillion? Yeah.
This plan also doesn’t take into account a number of important questions. What about the millionaires over 50 in the work force? Taking a million dollar severance, buying a house and a car might not sound so good to them. And what if you don’t use the money for a house or an American car? What happens then? Are you jailed for reneging on the stipulations? Do they take your money away and leave you jobless and on your ass? And how is a person supposed to pay property and auto taxes, not to mention insurance costs, while living the rest of their lives off a $1 million dollar payment? Do they get health insurance with that too? This is another one of those general ideas that people come up with without any reason or thought, you know, kind of like the solution to our terrorism problems is just bombing the Middle East into oblivion. Not smart.
Also, this never appeared in the St. Petersburg Times. If you want to read more about it, check out the Snopes article.
Have you received something like this? Or does this email pale in comparison to some of the stupid crap you’ve received? If so, forward those dumb emails to firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll mock and debunk (if necessary) these stupid emails every Wednesday.