Stupid Email Hall of Fame

crash_teas2We all get them: stupid email forwards. Misguided (or just plain idiotic) friends, relatives and coworkers forward us stuff that promises to be “hilarious” or “amazing,” when it’s actually so damn stupid, you want to reach through the computer and strangle them for sending it to you. These emails belong in the Stupid Email Hall of Fame. This week’s installment was particularly amusing to me. I received it from a former co-worker:

From

Subject: Fw: A distinguished black woman’s perspective
—– Original

Subject: A distinguished black woman’s perspective

Wortham sounds like she knows of what she speaks.

Walk in His Light


Anne Wortham is Associate Professor of Sociology at Illinois State University and continuing Visiting Scholar at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution. She is a member of the American Sociological Association and the American Philosophical Association. She has been a John M. Olin Foundation Faculty Fellow, and honored as a Distinguished Alumni of the Year by the National Association for Equal Opportunity in Higher Education. In fall 1988 she was one of a select group of intellectuals who were featured in Bill Moyer’s television series, “A World of Ideas.” The transcript of her conversation with Moyers has been published in his book, A World of Ideas. Dr. Wortham is author of The Other Side of Racism: A Philosophical Study of Black Race Consciousness which analyzes how race consciousness is transformed into political strategies and policy issues. She has published numerous articles on the implications of individual rights for civil rights policy, and is currently writing a book on theories of social and cultural marginality. Recently, she has published articles on the significance of multiculturalism and Afrocentricism in education, the politics of victimization and the social and political impact of political correctness. Shortly after an interview in 2004 she was awarded tenure.

This article by her is something else.

No He Can’t
by Anne Wortham

Fellow Americans,

Please know: I am black; I grew up in the segregated South. I did not vote for Barack Obama; I wrote in Ron Paul’s name as my choice for president. Most importantly, I am not race conscious. I do not require a black president to know that I am a person of worth, and that life is worth living. I do not require a black president to love the ideal of America.

I cannot join you in your celebration. I feel no elation. There is no smile on my face. I am not jumping with joy. There are no tears of triumph in my eyes. For such emotions and behavior to come from me, I would have to deny all that I know about the requirements of human flourishing and survival – all that I know about the history of the United States of America, all that I know about American race relations, and all that I know about Barack Obama as a politician. I would have to deny the nature of the “change” that Obama asserts has come to America. Most importantly, I would have to abnegate my certain understanding that you have chosen to sprint down the road to serfdom that we have been on for over a century. I would have to pretend that individual liberty has no value for the success of a human life. I would have to evade your rejection of the slender reed of capitalism on which your success and mine depend. I would have to think it somehow rational that 94 percent of the 12 million blacks in this country voted for a man because he looks like them (that blacks are permitted to play the race card), and that they were joined by self-declared “progressive” whites who voted for him because he doesn’t look like them. I would have to wipe my mind clean of all that I know about the kind of people who have advised and taught Barack Obama and will fill posts in his administration – political intellectuals like my former colleagues at the Harvard University’s Kennedy School of Government.

I would have to believe that “fairness” is the equivalent of justice. I would have to believe that man who asks me to “go forward in a new spirit of service, in a new service of sacrifice” is speaking in my interest. I would have to accept the premise of a man that economic prosperity comes from the “bottom up,” and who arrogantly believes that he can will it into existence by the use of government force. I would have to admire a man who thinks the standard of living of the masses can be improved by destroying the most productive and the generators of wealth.

Finally, Americans, I would have to erase from my consciousness the scene of 125,000 screaming, crying, cheering people in Grant Park, Chicago irrationally chanting “Yes We Can!” Finally, I would have to wipe all memory of all the times I have heard politicians, pundits, journalists, editorialists, bloggers and intellectuals declare that capitalism is dead – and no one, including especially Alan Greenspan, objected to their assumption that the particular version of the anti-capitalistic mentality that they want to replace with their own version of anti-capitalism is anything remotely equivalent to capitalism.

So you have made history, Americans. You and your children have elected a black man to the office of the president of the United States, the wounded giant of the world. The battle between John Wayne and Jane Fonda is over – and that Fonda won. Eugene McCarthy and George McGovern must be very happy men. Jimmie Carter, too. And the Kennedys have at last gotten their Kennedy look-a-like. The self-righteous welfare statists in the suburbs can feel warm moments of satisfaction for having elected a black person. So, toast yourselves: 60s countercultural radicals, 80s yuppies and 90s bourgeois bohemians. Toast yourselves, Black America. Shout your glee Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Duke, Stanford, and Berkeley. You have elected not an individual who is qualified to be president, but a black man who, like the pragmatist Franklin Roosevelt, promises to – Do Something! You now have someone who has picked up the baton of Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society. But you have also foolishly traded your freedom and mine – what little there is left – for the chance to feel good. There is nothing in me that can share your happy obliviousness.

Hoo-boy! First of all, I love that this “distinguished woman” misspelled Jimmy Carter’s name. Smaht! I also love how she has to remind us about 15 times that she’s black. She grew up in the South! OMG! A black woman from the South! She must be the authority on all black people! And then hilariously, she tells us she’s “not race conscious.” ORLY?
Is it surprising I received this from a racist white man?
But you know what I really love about this? How much of a condescending elitist asshole this woman is. For instance:
I would have to think it somehow rational that 94 percent of the 12 million blacks in this country voted for a man because he looks like them (that blacks are permitted to play the race card), and that they were joined by self-declared “progressive” whites who voted for him because he doesn’t look like them. “
That’s right lady, all the black people who voted for Obama voted for him because he’s black. And all the white people who voted for him did so because they’re not black. That makes soooo much sense! Way to generalize more than half the nation and assume we’re all a bunch of morons who vote for someone by how they look (I guess women are smarter since we didn’t vote for McCain on the basis of Sarah Palin, huh?). Cause his stance on the issues had absolutely NOTHING to do with our choices. Who cares about the war! Fuck the economy! Screw women’s rights! I’m voting for Obama cause his skin’s brown!
Another of my favorite points is this:
I would have to accept the premise of a man that economic prosperity comes from the “bottom up,” and who arrogantly believes that he can will it into existence by the use of government force. I would have to admire a man who thinks the standard of living of the masses can be improved by destroying the most productive and the generators of wealth.”

That’s right, trickle down economics is the way to go! Cause that worked with Reagan and the first Bush, right? Oh, wait. But what about the last 8 years? Those policies…uh…nevermind. Really lady? The fact that you can even make such an assertion with a straight face shows you’re either incredibly stupid or blind. Either way, you’re dead wrong.

Have you received something like this? Or does this email pale in comparison to some of the stupid crap you’ve received? If so, forward those dumb emails to bubblegumculture@gmail.com. We’ll mock and debunk (if necessary) these stupid emails every Wednesday.
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14 responses to “Stupid Email Hall of Fame

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    SHE VOTED FOR RON PAUL.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  2. So typical of the self-absorbed ramblings of another ivory tower wanna-be.

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  4. I will refrain from commenting.

  5. Pingback: Popular People » Blog Archive » Stupid Email Hall of Fame

  6. Who is the ignorant ass-clown who sent you this? Anybody I know?

  7. @Danny Hooley: Naw, it was this dude I worked with at my high school job. What a moron!

  8. Lance Wheeler

    You fail to see her message, and it’s disturbing someone would laugh because she voted for Ron Paul. This woman is brilliant and I give her credit for what she said. This article is to show the road America is going down, the road to serfdom. If you have not read that book I suggest you do to see the lost of liberties, and the power we give the government everyday.

    Also your comments of free market are wrong. Regan never stopped spending (sounds familiar) which is why we are still in this mess. Want to end this crisis? Look only to your government and you’ll find the problem and solution. Too much Government!

  9. I just have to complete a few of the good professor’s statements:

    Fellow Americans – those 47% that voted with me:

    There is no smile on my face. I am not jumping with joy. There are no tears of triumph in my eyes. ” because the bosses at my Reich-wing think tank are gonna be in a terrible mood.

    “I would have to deny all that I know about the requirements of human flourishing and survival” and that would require admitting I don’t know shit.

    “all that I know about the history of the United States of America’ and that would require admitting those southern crackers lied to me.

    “all that I know about American race relations” which as a good house ,,, I already have. (Stepand Fetchit was my role model. )

    “all that I know about Barack Obama as a politician.” Damn he IS a good one!”

    “Most importantly, I am not race conscious” – nor did I get into college, post frad and law school because of affirmative action.

    ” I do not require a Black president to know that I am a person of worth, and that life is worth living.’ but those other mental midgets do.

    Damn I can;t go on or I’ll go as batshit crazy as she is.

  10. What an ignorant attack on a woman who spoke her mind. And your rant following up her letter would be considered eloquent?

    First get your facts straight and do some research. Reaganomics did work, a fact that those on the left seem to ignore. You can claim that it did not a million times, that does not make your information accurate.

    You would like to dismiss Reagan, and your can rightly demonize Bush. However, you fail to realize that YOUR brand of how things work has been tried, over and over. And it has failed, over and over. Socialism, Fascism, Communism, call it what you want, it always fails. But keep clinging to your beliefs… it shows that the uneducated are in charge of policy now. And that is a scary thought.

    • @USWeapon: Actually, Reaganomics did not work. Remember that last recession we got into? It happened right after 8 years of Reagan and 4 years of his VP, Bush. Maybe your family got trickled down to, but mine, which was pretty far down the tube, never received any of the benefits of those economic policies. And to equate the Democrats’ governing to Socialism, Facism and Communism is not only ridiculous, but it just makes your argument sound stupid. You pretty much negate anything meaningful you’ve said by throwing out the Fox News fear-mongering words.

      @fred: For the record, I’m white. I know that the Republicans think all of America is stupid enough to vote for someone based on something as superficial as race or sex (otherwise, there’s no way in hell they would’ve allowed that dipstick Sarah Palin to run alongside McCain). But obviously, that’s not the case. And as far as why black people voted for Obama, let’s be real, black people generally vote Democratic. No matter what the candidate looks like. That’s because most black people are middle class, and therefore benefit financially from Democratic fiscal policy. Also, let us not forget that the Republican party has historically been the party of racism in the previous century. If I were black, I’d have a hard time voting for a party that worked so hard less than 50 years ago to oppose my equal rights. And you can say that’s not the case today, but you know just as well as I do that’s still true in many senses.

  11. She’s right. You’re an idiot. Carter spelled his name Jimmie. If 94% of whites had voted for McCain, morons like you would scream bloody murder but when blacks do it you close your eyes and say “it’s the issues” – even when another black person points it out.

  12. That she is allowed to teach sociology at all is a travesty to the liberal philosophy. I am sure she will be removed from the education system as soon as possible.

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