Stupid Email Hall of Fame

crash_teas21

We all get them: stupid email forwards. Misguided (or just plain idiotic) friends, relatives and coworkers forward us stuff that promises to be “hilarious” or “amazing,” when it’s actually so damn stupid, you want to reach through the computer and strangle them for sending it to you. These emails belong in the Stupid Email Hall of Fame. This week’s installment came to me not once, but twice this week. The first time, it came from a former coworker who is Republican almost solely on the basis of his greed, the other, from my dumbass redneck cousin who is Republican on the basis of his stupidity. Take a gander:

Tax Poem

At first I thought this was funny…then I realized the awful truth of
it.  Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think..

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore..

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
‘Taxes drove me to my doom…’

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Ta x
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline At x (44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal,
State and Local Surcharge Taxes
T el ephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.  We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the  kids.
What in the hell happened?
Can you spell ‘politicians?’
And I still have to ‘press 1’ for English!?!?!?!?

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!!!!
YOU can help it get there!!!!

Wow, so much to talk about here! First of all, a good chunk of these “taxes” listed aren’t even real. And another large chunk of them pay for things I think most of the people forwarding this use regularly and would like to keep–schools, roads, Medicare, etc. You like all the stuff the government does for you? Guess what, asshole, somebody’s gotta pay for it.

And all this jazz about a 100 years ago? Um, we’ve always had taxes. We didn’t have a bunch of these taxes listed because the some of these things, like the telephone, were in the infancy of their invention.

And what the fuck does “Mom stayed home to raise the kids” have to do with taxes, or anything, for that matter? Guess you think times were better when women couldn’t do anything other than stay home barefoot and pregnant, cooking and cleaning for you. Give me a motherfucking break.

And the “Press 1 for English!” Man, you just can’t write an email without throwing that one in, can you? So not only do you not want to pay taxes, you also are too fucking lazy to press one button? And I’m supposed to feel sorry for you? And pass your stupid tripe on to others so it can “go around the USA at least 100 times!!!!!!” In the words of your idiot queen, “thanks, but no thanks.”

Have you received something like this? Or does this email pale in comparison to some of the stupid crap you’ve received? If so, forward those dumb emails to bubblegumculture@gmail.com. We’ll mock and debunk (if necessary) these stupid emails every Wednesday.

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6 responses to “Stupid Email Hall of Fame

  1. “The first time, it came from a former coworker who is Republican almost solely on the basis of his greed, the other, from my dumbass redneck cousin who is Republican on the basis of his stupidity.”
    This made me literally laugh out loud. Preach it, girl. 🙂

  2. I think the privledge of email should only be conferred once a person has STUDIED and PASSED United States history, economics 101, and womens studies! Maybe, just maybe that would halt this type of inaccurate, ignorant, misogynistic CRAP.

  3. You should reply to them with a “do you like your public schools, your roads and highways, your government funded medication and programs?” Grrrr, I hate stupid people.

  4. I would reply all and say, “By sending this e-mail, the government has just levied The Moron Tax on you. Thanks!”

  5. Yeah, I didn’t even respond to either of them because any time I do, the level of stupid just makes me so angry I end up having to talk myself out of starting a real-deal shit storm with them. Like this summer when my DRC (Dumbass Redneck Cousin) sent some bullshit email about Obama being a Muslim. I responded saying he was raised by his white mother and grandparents and was not a Muslim. His response? “They’re atheists.” Um, so how exactly does that make him a Muslim. STUPID!!! Argh!

  6. truculentandunreliable

    Your last paragraph was fucking funny.

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